每日跟讀#725: From Wedding Bells to Wedding Blues
It was after midnight when Kaitlin Chad Moss, her new husband, Jeremy Moss, and a handful of devoted wedding guests lingered as long as they could before they were politely informed that the celebration was over and it was time to go home.
“That’s when it hit me,” said Kaitlin Moss, 29, who was married in September last year at the Green Valley Ranch, a lodge and events space in Coram, Montana. “I’m never going to have everyone I love in one room like this again. It was hard to accept. I felt sad, and it didn’t go away.”
Kaitlin Moss broke down that night in front of her girlfriends. “I wish someone had warned me that this was something you could feel. Why is no one talking about this?” said Kaitlin Moss, who lives in Denver.
Post-wedding sadness is not uncommon among the newly married. Laura Stafford, a professor and director of the Bowling Green State University’s School of Media and Communication, and Allison Scott Gordon, an associate professor at the University of Kentucky’s Department of Communication, have jointly conducted two studies on depression, specifically concerning newly married women.
“In 2016 we looked at 28 women, half of whom said they felt sad or let down after their wedding,” Stafford said. Last year they interviewed 158 women. Twelve percent of the women interviewed in the second study expressed feelings of depression after being wedded.
“These women were the center of attention, and planning a wedding takes up so much of your time, it would be weird to not feel some kind of letdown,” Stafford said. “We also found there was more focus on the wedding than on the marriage. There was also uncertainty about their goals, their role as a wife, their relationship and partner choice.”
The pair are working on a third study where the same 158 women will be interviewed again to see if their moods have changed a year later.
There are many reasons behind the emotional crash. For some, it’s returning to everyday life. For others, it’s the elimination of planning and anticipating such a big celebration or the loss of looking forward to that cultural, life-altering event. Then there’s the diminished attention, social letdown and the pressures and expectations that come with your new life and spouse.
“For most, this kind of sadness is temporary,” said Elizabeth Sloan, a licensed professional counselor in McLean, Virginia, who added that these melancholy feelings generally lessen during the months that follow your wedding. “First talk to other married friends, then talk to your spouse,” she said.
Source article: https://paper.udn.com/udnpaper/POH0067/346136/web/